I’ve Been a Bridesmaid 40 Times—Here’s What I’ve Learned

Southerner-turned-New York City PR founder Savannah Engel’s long career as a bridal party member began with a few stints as a flower girl. “I only remember Aunt Amanda and Uncle Carl's,” Engel says. “I was an ADHD feral child and I was so bored. My mother dressed me like a little doll and my tights were itchy. All I wanted to do was go play. I actually ran and climbed through all the pews. They had to pull me out by my legs to continue the procession.” Her experience grew in middle school. During this time, Engel served as a “house party” member—a broader wedding party popular in the South—and also as a ceremony usher for her teacher.

But her true talents revealed themselves as a bridesmaid—a role she has now held 40 times. “I’ve been bridesmaids with Lupita Nyong’o, I’ve been bridesmaids with men… It’s crazy how many times I have been a bridesmaid,” says Engel.

In the South, bridal parties are traditionally 10-plus women deep.

“Now I will tell you why I’ve been a bridesmaid so many times by this age,” says Engel, who is in her late 30s. “I have lived multiple places in the South. I am from the Mississippi Delta, I went to boarding school in Asheville, and I went to an all-girls Christian camp in Tuxedo, North Carolina. Then, I went to SMU. That’s four levels of Southern women! People get married earlier there. You get so many different groups of friends, it would be impossible for me not to be in 40 weddings.” Then, the friends she found in her years in New York led to another decade’s worth of weddings.

Engel notes that most wedding parties she was a part of in the South had 10 to 20 bridesmaids, and most of these big celebrations occurred before she turned 30. She adds that many of her European friends in New York also got married in those earlier years. “God, these are weddings that, in my 20s, I would get so upset [about], because I would barely get to be in my Hampton share house,” she laughs. “It’s not like New York, where you’re an old hag like me fighting for my life, still hoping I get married.”

While Engel admits she battled through multiple years of having up to 15 weddings on her calendar each summer, it didn’t dampen her love of weddings. “The best thing about weddings is they reignite friendships,” she says. “It also might be the last time you’re in a room with all those people again… and that’s pretty special.” Celebrating a wedding also feels inherent to her DNA. “Back home, everything is party culture. Parties are what lead life. And wedding culture is party culture,” she says. Some unique memories from those celebrations down South? Southern Baptist weddings where the bridesmaids would take “wine shots” or hide flasks in their Spanx, 700-people weddings with extravagant buffets, New Orleans fêtes where guests end up knee-deep in mud, and weddings with over a dozen additional engagement parties, showers, and events outside of the big day.

Wedding culture also means many, many bridesmaid dresses. “I have five of the exact same Monique Lhuillier lace strapless gown in different colors,” says Engel. “I will never wear that dress again.” When asked about any horror story dresses, she points to a look requested by her friend Shelby. “You know what, I can go on the record. Shelby, forgive me, but that was difficult,” she says, describing a pink dress with a bow on the back covered in rhinestones. “I've never looked crazier in my entire life,” says Engel. At a certain point, she would leave the dresses behind on the floor of her hotel rooms and never look back. “My mom would always get mad at me, and be like, ‘Why are you not saving them so that you can wear your daughters can wear them as dress up?’ And I was like, ‘Because there’s party juice all the way up to the knee on them. Absolutely not.’ I am the first to admit I love a good, strong party night and a strong drink… I am not the sober gal at the wedding!”

While she may have abandoned a few dresses, that doesn’t mean she didn’t pay for them. Attending a wedding is already an expense, but the cost of being a bridesmaid so many times adds up. Flights, hotels, wedding gifts, bachelorette party trips, hair and makeup, and more can easily total more than $2000 just for one wedding. Now, multiply that by 40. “Yeah, I might be a boss with a company in two different continents. But let me tell you what weddings did to my savings,” sighs Engel. “I should own an apartment in New York by this point.”

Despite the cost, there has only been one time Engel has ever said “no” to attending a wedding as a bridesmaid. “I missed her wedding for an opportunity to do this project with Naomi Campbell,” she remembers. “It was right when I was going freelance before I started my company, and I couldn’t really say no to her.” Regardless, she was still technically dubbed a bridesmaid, went on the bachelorette in St. Barths, and even sent the bridal party IV drips and pizza after the wedding. Even though it was a major career event that prevented her attendance, Engel still feels guilty about it. She says she would never reject a bridesmaid invite. “That’s so rude,” she declares.

Crutches can be an essential bridesmaid accessory.

With her wealth of experience as a bridesmaid—and, on multiple occasions, while healing a broken foot—Engel has plenty of advice for those called upon to be part of a party. “The bathroom better be stacked with deodorant, hair spray, and all that,” she says. “And I always carry all of my makeup and a hairbrush with me so I can do touch-ups throughout the entire day and night.” Another tip to maintain your stamina is to perfect the Irish exit. “Why am I going to tell the bride I’m leaving? She doesn’t need to know that I’m leaving at 12 or one or two,” she says. “We need to let the room dissipate.” And if there is no day-after brunch? “I’m the person that flies out at 7 a.m. like a psychopath.” While the PR founder has enjoyed the two times she has served as a maid of honor—“I like planning”—she says there is nothing better than being a bridesmaid who is told what to do and when to do it. “I’m a good wedding invite,” she adds. “I can rally up the troops and get a good vibe going.”

So, would Engel have bridesmaids at her own wedding? “If I was going to, I would have 40 of them… if not 50,” she laughs. “I know I can’t. I will have a group of girls that I like in there. I’ll have important people sit with me the day before, and sit with me while getting ready. But actual bridesmaids, it would just be my sister.” So, is that day coming soon? “I have been proposed to three times. I always said ‘no.’”